If God Had Voicemail

Most of us have now learned to live with “voice mail” as a necessary part of our daily lives.  But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail?  Imagine praying and hearing some of the following recordings:

Thank you for calling Heaven.

For English, Press 1.

For Spanish, press 2.

For all other languages, press 0 or stay on the line.

 

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for Requests.

Press 2 for Thanksgiving.

Press 3 for Complaints.

Press 4 for all other inquiries.

 

I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now.  However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer it in the order it was received.  Please stay on the line.

 

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1.

Jesus, press 2.

Holy Spirit, press 3.

If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, press 4.

To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter his or her social security number, followed by the “pound” sign.  If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try again.

 

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.

 

Our computers show that you have already prayed today.  Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

 

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.  Please pray again on Monday after 9:30am.

 

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you, and have a Heavenly day.

 

Aren’t you glad that God is easily and readily available to talk with us through prayer?  I know I am.  I get pretty tired of all these answering machines and answering services.  But what a privilege it is to take everything to God in prayer.

In Christ,

Josh

Real Freedom!

In the movie Brave Heart, Mel Gibson plays the role of a man from Scotland whose name was Wallace.  It was a great movie, very graphic in the battle scenes, but it really gave you a feel of what battles were like back in those days.  The idea behind the movie is that Wallace was trying to win Scotland’s freedom from the cruel rule of England.  The King of England at this time was a man named Longshanks.  He was as cruel as he was wicked.  Longshanks hatred for both Scotland and Wallace grew as the movie progressed and Wallace won many victories against England.

But in the end, Wallace is betrayed by a friend and captured by Longshanks who is now older and very ill.  It is Longshanks plan to not merely kill Wallace but to have him beg for mercy and a quick death.  As the movie ends Wallace is brought to the courtyard before a jeering crowd.  They mock him, spit at him, and throw things at him.  Then the King’s executioner begins to torture him, telling him that if he begs for mercy they will make the death quick.

Meanwhile, Longshanks is up in his room, on his death bed, waiting to hear his enemy Wallace beg for mercy.  After not responding, Wallace tries to speak, though it is difficult because his throat is messed up from being tortured.  The man in charge of the torture gets the crowd to be silent so they all can hear Wallace beg.  But instead of begging for mercy, Wallace summons up what little strength he has left to scream with great force the word, “FREEDOM!!!!”

I know that this past week we all celebrated our freedom as we celebrated Independence Day on the 4th of July.  In a way, as a church you all will celebrate it tonight with an All-American Cookout.  And me, well, me and Nellie are probably miserable sitting in Hawaii away from all of you.

But, I want to suggest that there is a greater freedom that was fought for, and it was done much the same way.  Jesus, fought for our freedom from sin.  He won some battles here and there with groups of people, but in the end, it was a friend of His that betrayed Him.  He was brought before a jeering crowd that cried, “Crucify Him”  They too mocked Him, spit at Him, threw things at Him.  The executioners tortured Him, hoping to break Him, but they didn’t.  And in the end, while hanging on a cross, He may not have yelled out, “FREEDOM!!!” but He sure did accomplish what He had set out to do, as He proclaimed, “It is finished.”

Sure our freedom as a country is great.  But let’s not forget the ultimate freedom that we have, freedom from sin, if we will only turn to the one who has already fought the battle for us, and come out on the other side victorious.  And in a way, yells to us with great force, “FREEDOM!!”

In Christ,

Josh